Interview with Our Creative Nonfiction Contest Winner, Kathleen Walker

Rian: Hi Kathleen, welcome and congratulations on winning the first contest ever held by Papers Publishing! Your Creative Nonfiction story “For S” was announced as our first place winner last week, and will go up on our site March 3rd. But for now, we’re thrilled to be speaking with you.

Thinking on the narrative in the story, how do you feel this right of queer passage played into further queer experiences both growing up and later on in your life?

Kathleen: In the simplest sense, my relationship with S was the genesis of my queerness. Or, at the very least, it was the genesis of my awareness of my sexuality. In fact, she was the first person I came out to. It wasn’t until our relationship was over that I realized the kinds of feelings I had for her, but that doesn’t diminish the role she played in the formation of that part of myself. So, I suppose this piece’s “right of queer passage” influenced my exploration of queerness in the same way that any beginning influences the rest of a story. It starts something. It also exists to be left behind.

Rian: That’s such a profound observation, and also quite sad to think about. Diving deeper into ‘S’ herself as a character; you seem to carry her with you, both in negative and positive times — do you think she’s moved more from being a person into being an emotional crutch or token?

Kathleen: I think I’d probably describe her as a ghost. Or a path I didn’t take. Whenever I make a big decision, my father likes to remind me that I’ll never know if it was the right or wrong one. I guess he thinks that takes the pressure off, although I’ve never found it to be particularly reassuring. As a person, I often wish I was able to release those unrealized futures as easily as he does. As a writer, however, the paths I didn’t walk are fascinating to me. To this day, I have no idea if running away with S would’ve been a smart thing to do, but the phantom of the future I could’ve had with her lingers. It’s a complicated personal quandary that does, at the very least, make for great essay inspiration.

Rian: That’s such a broad way of thinking of things, your father’s words certainly don’t come across as reassuring to me either. But I can see you’ve taken open truths like that to really inform your work. Now, you’ve said you live in the ‘foothills of South Carolina’ - this is where “For S” is also set. Despite its location, the story is still universal enough for many people to relate to. What do you think gives it the ability to touch people so intimately?

Kathleen: First, I’m very touched that y’all feel that this piece reaches beyond its setting. I think it's difficult to grow up in a place as vibrant (in a good and bad sense) as the Bible Belt and not have its voice in your work.

For this piece, while the setting may be unique, I hope that the emotions are universal. This story is, in some ways, a narrative of how I discovered how to love, which is something that everyone has to do. It’ll look different from person to person–which is a great relief, really, because that’s what I believe makes writing delightful–but each of us follows the same general arc. We all have someone in our past like S. Someone that we loved at the wrong time, in the wrong way, or that inspires conflicting feelings. We all find ourselves in bed at night, asking questions like: was the ending of this relationship good for me, or did I throw away the great love of my life?

Rian: Reading the piece again, it makes sense that love and relationships as overarching narratives make it so universal. Not everyone has experienced driving to different sex shops in South Carolina or having “little vampire teeth,” but everyone has felt the chemistry you wrote into those settings. So what pushed you to write this piece? Was there a resurgence of ‘S’ in your life?

Kathleen: I wrote this piece near the end of college, during a period when I kept forcing myself to write about topics I didn’t want to write about. It all started with the idea to write about my teeth. I’m not lying in the piece: I really, really dislike my teeth. The story of S flowed so naturally from that initial idea. Once I started, I felt really compelled to explore her in a more tender way than I’d allowed in the past. This is one of those pieces that is deeply reliant upon the time it was written. I couldn’t have created it four years ago, when the wound was still fresh, and I doubt very much that I’ll write about it in the same way four years in the future.

Rian: It was perfect timing for the story to be told, then. Now lastly, you’ve got a degree in Creative Writing from Virginia Tech, what exciting stuff are you up to and what work can we expect from you in the future?

Kathleen: As far as the future of my education, I’m in the midst of working out my MFA plans, which is very exciting! I’ve spent much of my time since graduating working on prose poetry, which is something I’d love to share more widely in the future. I’ve also been playing with a memoir manuscript I started in undergrad, which revolves around the figure of my mother, the South, dragons, and my childhood spent horseback riding.

Rian: So many things going at one time! I can’t wait to see it all come to fruition, and maybe see some more of your writing in the future. Until then, thank you so much, Kathleen, and we can’t wait to have “For S” go live.