Both Sides 

She kissed me as Joni Mitchell sang about life from both sides. The song harmonizing with the sound of her ever-expanding lungs.

“I really don't know love at all”

Before her, I thought love was meant to be a painful thing. With nights spent wanting, waiting for my lover to want me with the same fervor.

She taught me love is meant to be calm.

We lay together in a messy bed
limbs entangled and hair unkempt
I watch as passing stars invade our space
counting each one as they paint galaxies on her face
the cosmic fire crackles along her face like celestial freckles.

“Tears and fears and feeling proud To say ‘I love you’ right out loud”

Like colts on a carousel, I feel her chest rise and fall beneath me I whisper “I love you” as she pushes my hair aside

“I've looked at love from both sides now From give and take, and still somehow It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all”

Eventually, I will see another side of her,
one that is often dejected yet shrouded by a gay exterior.
In six months' time, I will realize how bad it really is and
beg her to “please get help, I can’t just watch you hurt yourself.”

She will see another side of me too.
Insecure and often unhinged, always assuming the worst when calls and messages are left unanswered.
She sees the many facets of myself before I ever see hers, yet she stays.

She stays when I lash out for no good reason, unconsciously self-sabotaging any good thing.

I never thought anyone would stay after seeing both sides of who I truly am.
But she did.

Intimacy

You sit with me in a sacramental sea.

When You pull me deeper into the water

I swear, 

it feels like something akin to baptism;

not one of repentance, but of resurrection

I watch as the candlelight reflects off Your damp skin.

The dancing flames illuminate Your golden hair, 

sending shimmers of light around the room.

Our empty glasses once filled with cheap wine lay

Forgotten on the bathroom tile.

The water has gone cold and our fingers pruney.

But, not once do we think of leaving.

You kiss me

Not with greed but with utter adoration

Your peace washes me clean like holy water.

I’ve never known such a pure thing.

Pardon my blasphemy, but 

I think you may be holier than God or Mary

I’d worship every single hair on Your body,

The tattoo on Your hip that You hate,

Your scars from industrial ovens, 

Your stomach and Your knees

I’d pray to You if You’d let me.

I’ve never really felt religious,

but with You, I’d swear I’m swimming in Galilee

The preacher on TV told me

that the only way I could find salvation was to

Call upon the name of the lord

But,

I think this may be all I need.

Your hallowed name forever on my lips.